I have been seeing a lot of couples, and doing individual counseling lately and I continue to see some ideas that I can’t believe people have put into action and I just want to say, “NO, DON’T DO THAT!”, but it’s not professional to do that, and it’s far more healthy to let people have realizations on their own. Some of the problems that individuals have come from decisions their parents have made, so I include those here, too. If you want to avoid the pain of therapy that so many people fear, don’t do these things and you’ll stand a much better chance. These are things that people can control so I thought I’d just give them early warning.
I’ve tried to arrange them in developmental order so people can know what (not) to do next.
1) Don’t go to school.
2) Have sex at a young age.
3) Drink at a young age.
4) Do drugs at a young age — any and all of them
5) Join a gang.
Do any of those things and you can pretty much guarantee trouble by the time you’re 14 or 15. Do all of them and make a mess of your life pretty much forever.
6) Don’t graduate from High School. Most likely guarantee poverty for the rest of your life.
7) Don’t ever get a job. See above.
8) Don’t do things for others or think about the wider world. This one is kind of sneaky. If you do this one, you can lose perspective on people and things, you can gain no empathy and have no sympathy and stay focused on your own problems without ever meeting someone who might have a solution. That pretty much guarantees a miserable life because, even if you have a really decent life, you won’t know it.
9) Engage in criminal activities just for the fun of it — or to support your addiction.
Do these and you can mess your life up before your twenties.
As an adult, in order to be mentally ill or miserable…
10) Worry far more about what people will think about you having a problem than you do about fixing it.
11) Keep up with the Joneses, even if you don’t like the Joneses or you don’t know why you should.
If you want to then be miserable in marriage:
12) Choose a partner that you want to change to spend your life with.
13) Stay with a bully.
14) Stay with someone who’s never the same person twice — or is never who you’d expect them to be.
15) Live for drama. Say mean things on Facebook to people you barely know. Keep it going after you do know them.
16) Spend lots of money you don’t have.
17) Pay no attention to any warning signs that there are problems — especially by focusing on things that don’t matter or don’t make you happy.
(Be warned: if your parents did these things, you probably have to see me to undo the damages).
Now, to affect the next generation, do these things:
1) Most important of all: choose from a specific gene pool — one that guarantees trouble. Have children by someone in jail or in an asylum, or has a history of physical or mental problems.
2) Once the child is born, physically, emotionally, or sexually abuse them. If you can’t manage that, do those things in front of them.
3) Teach your kids to do drugs or drink.
4) Bring your friends around to drugs or drink. Make sure your kids befriend these people.
5) Keep your kids poor.
6) Neglect or avoid them.
7) Tell them it’s their fault that you did any of the above.
8) Don’t make them go to school. Don’task or figure out why they don’t want to.
9) Tell them to be who you want them to be, rather than what they have talents to be.
10) Frighten them about the outside world.
11) Tell them nothing about how to live.
12) Never admit to a mistake.
13) Tell them that having a problem will make life difficult for you.
14) Move them to a bad neighborhood.
15) Leave them to go to jail and blame it on them.
16) Make sure they know that looks are more important than acceptance.
17) Never let them get help — or keep interrupting the help they get.
Do these things and you can set them up for a world of hurt. Avoid doing these and save yourself and your kids a world of hurt.